Dependent as a child, not powerless as an Adult 

Recovering from the wounds of a difficult childhood

Who am I

I am Meena Iyer, coach, healer and breathwork facilitator. I am writing to share my experiences in the fields of Holotropic Breathwork, Inner Child Healing and personal therapy and coaching.

Quick Intro and Disclaimer

I am Meena Iyer, coach, healer and breathwork facilitator. I have trained in counseling psychology, NLP, Hypnotherapy and breathwork facilitation. I have run my own de-addiction center in Gurgaon working individually and in groups with addicts, alcoholics and their families.I now offer one-on-one coaching and facilitate online and offline workshops/ retreats on Inner Child Healing and Breathwork. 

Here is a disclaimer too. As I share my knowledge, experience and skills, they are constantly evolving and transforming, keeping pace with my own growth. If you feel ready to embark on this journey taking responsibility for the outcomes, hop on. The information shared here is for educational purposes only and not meant to substitute any professional guidance. There could be material not from the public domain which has been used to illustrate or explain only and not for infringement of intellectual property rights. Pls do not copy or share in any manner and infringe intellectual property rights. Information here is as understood and applied by me. Pls use your discretion while applying the same.

Who is this post for (Dependent as a child, not powerless as an adult) 

If you 

• Are aware that your childhood years were difficult.
• Don’t have a clear memory of your childhood years and yet have a feeling in your gut that things were not pleasant.
• Find yourself justifying the actions of people in your life knowing that you were hurt.
• Feel confused about how to interpret things that happened in childhood.
• Are already in therapy or coaching seeking to accelerate your healing. 
• Are  actively seeking healing from significant emotional issues
• Are dealing with loss – death of a loved one, divorce or a broken relationship.
• Are looking to work on chronic unworkable behavior patterns.
• Are in a toxic relationship at home or work.
• Suffer from addictive behaviour – substances, activities or emotions.
• Practice psychotherapeutic or energy healing modalities 
• You want to work on physical health issues.

Why am I writing this post?

Inner Child Healing is an important psychotherapeutic model conducted in groups or one-on-one. All our behaviour patterns can be traced back to our childhood experiences. The way we think, feel and behave originated either in support of or in opposition to what unfolded before us in our early years. This post will provide a look at how childhood dependence leads to powerlessness in adulthood. It is based on the core principles, practical approach and benefits of Inner Child Healing.  Whether you’re new to this work, trying to decide if it is for you,  or looking to deepen your understanding, this post will provide valuable insights on the role that Inner Child Healing  can play in your life. You have an opportunity to delve deep into the potential it has to bring peace and harmony into your life.

What am i going to cover

• The dependence of a child
• The conflict between attachment and authenticity
• Adaptation to cope
• Coping as default
• The false symbols of power
• Reclaiming true power with inner child healing

The dependence of a child– The human child is the most dependent among all species of living organisms. We know the time it takes for a child to walk, feed itself and eventually provide for its own needs. As an infant, it needs food and warmth, to be kept clean and free from disease. A toddler needs the space and attention for their individuality to be understood and expressed for them to live as separate entities. In the next years a child needs discipline and structure to live and function in the world of adults and other children. At each stage, when these needs are not met or there is abuse from adults who themselves are dysfunctional the child cannot proceed in its developmental journey.

The conflict between attachment and authenticity – Renowned doctor, author and de-addiction expert Dr. Gabor Mate talks powerfully about this conflict. When children are attached to adults with whom they cannot be their authentic selves they experience a high degree of conflict. This conflict is resolved by resorting to a host of adaptations. The fundamental issue is, that for the child to continue receiving care, approval and validation they bring into existence survival behaviour which slowly becomes a part of their identity.

Adaptation to cope – Children either adopt by imitation, the ways of their caregivers or actively rebel against them. They adapt by suppressing their emotions, becoming over responsible or leaning towards addictive consumption of food and in later life substances or addictive activities like gaming, shopping and even serially toxic relationships. As adults these behaviours persist as they have now become default; inseparable parts of their thinking, emoting and acting out or acting in. The actions sometimes become so destructive and self-sabotaging that they seek medical help or psychological assistance to curtail them.

The false symbols of power – The human process of growing up with its belief in the outer symbols of being “normal” does much harm. We are told that if we get a good education, a good job, build a nice house with a pleasant partner, all will be well. The greater the degree of dysfunction in our growing up years, the more we trust that once we get a good degree, job or build a profitable business, find a loving partner (who we expect will fill all the emptiness and lack of love) we will make it. Indeed we believe we will live happily ever after. Our reality tells a different story – we battle disappointments, illness, financial issues, the woes of our partners, sometimes our children (however hard we try to parent them different from how we were) and either anxiety or deep emptiness and lack of purpose.

Reclaiming true power with inner child healing – When we journey into our childhood we embrace the little boy or girl who got hurt, abandoned and betrayed. We realise that our immediate task is to reassure him or her that we are there for them. We are older and wiser now than when all the damage occurred. Our awareness leads to freedom – we stop depending on our partners, our work, hobbies, addictions, beliefs. We take charge of our own life, our thoughts and emotions for the first time. This is the beginning of true power. With this power, we can be okay when sadness or fear come. We can accept all parts of ourselves and our story. We can begin a new chapter.

Summary

A human child is dependent on its caregivers for its survival. A difficult childhood makes one powerless and dysfunctional in adulthood. Recognizing the ways you have coped with traumatic situations in childhood brings clarity. You understand that you now have a choice. You don’t need to live from a place of dependence in your relationships or at work. Eventually you stop depending and reclaim your power to live a life of authenticity.

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